I haven’t been myself lately. I probably should go live in a mountaintop monastery, completely cut off from the world, but I doubt even that would shield me from the energy of so much conflict and so many mass killings in the world of today. My psychic abilities make me sensitive to this energy, and keenly aware of what is going on in the world at a deep level, and while this keeps my love and compassion running on high, it also makes me feel ill and not myself, as the energies from conflict and chaos are like kryptonite to me. If I had a snazzy lycra bodysuit and the superpower of flight, I would be hitting an altitude of about four inches right now.
Grief is a messy business. We want it to be manageable and to progress in an orderly manner, but it isn’t like that. Grief comes uninvited, stays longer than it seems it should, throws our life and being-ness out of whack, makes us feel “not quite ourselves” for a very long time, and won’t leave us alone. We want it to be otherwise, to be something we can control, understand, and predict. But grief has its own way.
And a good grief is free to follow its own way. Because when we lose someone close to us, we haven’t just lost the person we talked to about this, or went with to that, we have lost a spiritual companion. And while we talk about “wrapping our brain around” what has happened, what we really struggle with is wrapping our soul around it.