I haven’t been myself lately. I probably should go live in a mountaintop monastery, completely cut off from the world, but I doubt even that would shield me from the energy of so much conflict and so many mass killings in the world of today. My psychic abilities make me sensitive to this energy, and keenly aware of what is going on in the world at a deep level, and while this keeps my love and compassion running on high, it also makes me feel ill and not myself, as the energies from conflict and chaos are like kryptonite to me. If I had a snazzy lycra bodysuit and the superpower of flight, I would be hitting an altitude of about four inches right now.
I don’t mean to complain, as I do not feel my abilities are a burden, and I would not know how to (or want to) live without them. They make me, me. But being me comes at a price, and I am painfully aware this week of the blessing+curse nature of my gifts.
I am reminded of the TV show “Monk”, in which the title character is mostly a top-notch detective with remarkable skills, which he uses to solve tough crimes. But Monk is also a man who suffers from a pretty serious case of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), plus a host of quirks and other mental health issues, all of which are quite debilitating. Fans of the show get to see both Monk’s brilliance, and his limitations. And we get to hear him say quite often, “it’s a blessing and a curse.”
When I first began to realize that I had psychic abilities, I saw them as curse only. They made me feel weird and see weird things and all I wanted was to be normal. And seeing dead people was definitely not normal. Eventually, I saw how the curse was maybe something useful, and over time saw the blessing side of things emerge.
Every step of the way, however, I wanted my psychic abilities to be all blessing with no curse. I think it’s that way for a lot of people who have special talents or abilities — that you’d like the special thing without the price tag.
But it doesn’t work that way. Every talented person bears some cost for the talent.
Musicians, scientists, artists, inventors, visionary leaders all pay a price for their extra-ordinary talent and skill. What constitutes “the price” is personal, and varies from person to person, but in my experience ranges from mere loneliness to total insanity.
It is hard to postulate this.
And hard for me to say this next part.
A couple months before I launched this website and started writing this blog, I was visited a second time by Archangel Michael. I wrote about my first meeting in a previous column (see Archangel Michael), but this visit was different. This time, he didn’t come to help me with a spirit, he came to shake a very large, very holy finger at me. He told me that I needed to do more with my abilities. He indicated that I was one of maybe five or six people on the planet at this time who could do what I do, at the level that I can do it. He showed me the need in the world for my particular talents.
I cried. I cried because he made me feel special. And I cried because I felt like the fate of the world rested on my shoulders. The burden of what he said was incredible. And the pressure of knowing that an Archangel, for heaven’s sake, was breathing down my neck, was pretty intense. To be fair, I suppose that all of us have a higher power breathing down our neck, pressuring us to do more with our special talents and abilities. But I also suppose that most people can’t see that higher power standing in front of them, arms crossed, giving them the stink eye.
But maybe we’d be better off if we could. Maybe we’d all be better off — and I do mean the entire population of the entire planet — if we lived in that space where we know we have more to give, more we could be doing with the gifts we’ve been given, and felt the pressure of an Archangel breathing down our neck to step up and do it. Let me be clear: I am not talking about Christmas “giving” here. I am talking about you doing that thing that you know you are really good at, maybe the thing that not many people know you can do, doing it for the betterment of humanity, and doing it more and better than you have ever done it in your life.
I must say that the vision of all of us living lives of blessing+curse is intoxicating. Try to imagine it yourself — everyone doing more with the extraordinary gifts they’ve been given, and gladly paying the price exacted for the chance to do it. The world of today needs this. And then try to go beyond the imagining by actually living that vision like a higher power has you in their sight. Which, not to creep you out or anything, they do.